sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
