i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
