I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
