The maid of honor just puked.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
