Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
