those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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