i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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