no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
