I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
