Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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