Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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