He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
