I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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