Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
smell my finger.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
