Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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