Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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