ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize