you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
