Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
