I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
