So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did you just send me my own nude
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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