pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
