Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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