dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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