last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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