i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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