Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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