chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
