i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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