it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
