I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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