Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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