There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
