Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
