This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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