Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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