Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
