im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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