Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
