No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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