I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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