Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
