please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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