i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
