dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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