so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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