Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
