love makes seman taste better
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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