we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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