i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
