your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
