Please don't use social media to get back at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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