You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
