Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
