I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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