he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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