his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
should my penis look like a turkey
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
