While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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