you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
