I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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