your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
