Define "chronic" masturbator.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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