I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
