I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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