I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
