grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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