hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
