was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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