I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
