Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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