Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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