After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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