Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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