i permit you to call me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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