Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
