Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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