pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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