My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
