Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
