awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My bed smells like the plague
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
