here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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