omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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