I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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