I'm sorry my penis didn't work
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
