Girls should come with a carfax report
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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