You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize