My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
