Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
