Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I cut my penus on the lid.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
