Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
