Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
