I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
