I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
