So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
