He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
