My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
