Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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