Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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