Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
