Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
