I didn't shave. On purpose
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
