Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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