hotel room ftw
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to calm my uterus...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
