I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
