i permit you to call me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
