So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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