isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize