I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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