umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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