wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
false alarm. still invincible.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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